DFS: Dark Fridge Syndrome

Just spent 25 hours of spiritual bliss. To wit: my fridge had no light.

Shabbos/Shabbat/the Jewish Sabbath is probably the single most powerful, famous, and misunderstood phenomenon in Judaism.

Have you ever been driving somewhere on a Saturday in "the 'hood" and seen observant families walking? What did you feel? C'mon, be honest now. A twinge of fear? Nostalgia? That the Great Wall of China divided you from them? Resentment, that the neighborhood would change in unforeseen or undesirable ways? Did you wonder if they were judging you, on your way to Heinen's?

Or have you Shabbat-observant folk ever felt stared at or resented? Have you passed by a neighbor busy gardening, on your way to Shul/synagogue? Have you wondered if they are Jewish? Wondered if you should say hello? Wondered if you should say "Shabbat Shalom" or "Good Shabbos"? Would you be thought odd? Friendly? Presumptuous? Evangelical?!

Is there any way to win?

Is Shabbat destined to be the day that divides us? Can it be the day that unites us?

And why do people reduce it to the light in the fridge??

Bewigged

My name is Ruchi, and I wear a wig.

Wow, that felt good.

So I do have hair, and it HAPPENS not to be gray (hardly).  It's not shaven.  I don't actually know anyone who shaves her head. It's kind of pretty.  I think.

I wear a wig because I cover my hair since getting married.

I cover my hair because I follow halacha.

I follow halacha because I believe passionately that this is what God wants me to do, and also because I have seen that following halacha is a really smart and systemized way to live an incredibly meaningful life.

But I do not like wearing a wig.

It's not very comfortable, it's not cheap, and it feels disingenuous.

Different halachically-sensitive (how's that for a label?) Jewish women cover their hair in different ways.  Some partially, some fully.  Some all the time, some sometimes.  Some with a wig, some with a snood, some with cool, colorful, ethnic scarves or wraps, and some with demure black thingy-doos.

Why do we young women with pretty hair cover it once we're married?

It's NOT because we think it looks better, although some women's wigs are nicer than their hair.  It's because Jewish tradition teaches that a woman's hair is the most alluring, sensual, make-a-statement part of her whole face.  And if you wonder if I'm right, take a look at any magazine and study hair product ads for women.

And therefore, once she is married, that alluring, sensual, make-a-statement part of her face is visually and tangibly reserved for her husband, not to mention a constant reminder to herself that she is married.  If you are wondering why men don't have to cover their hair, maybe this was what God was thinking when he created male baldness.

There are some communities that don't believe that wigs fulfill  the spirit of the law.  That believe that hair should be covered in a way that no one is fooled.  My community does not follow this way, but I like it.  I get it.  I feel it is more genuine to wear a scarf or hat instead of a pretty wig.

Also, wigs can be more alluring and sensual than your own hair.  Just sayin'.

But I do wear a wig, because this is the cultural norm in my community and I get a nice one because I, like you, like to feel that I look "normal" and pretty.

But as I wear my wig, I alternate wondering the following:
1. Is my wig too nice?
2. Is my wig nice enough?
3. Can people tell it's a wig?
4. Do I want them to?
5. When can I get this thing off and put on a comfy bandanna???

What do you wonder?
Glossary: Shaitel (pronounced SHAY-t'l) - Yiddish word for wig
Halacha - Jewish law.  Literally, "walking the walk"

The Long Black Skirt

Everyone has it. Their go-to outfit that they throw on when they're not interested in fussing and just wanna be comfy.
For me, it's my long black skirt.
Ok, confession: I have 6 long black skirts. Of course, they all serve different purposes (c'mon, ladies, it's like black shoes).
Why do I so very often wear a long black skirt?
Firstly, I ONLY wear skirts.  According to halacha (Jewish law), which is the code by which I navigate my life, my skirt has to cover my knees at all times: sitting, standing, running (more on running later).
So to me, a "short skirt" is one that just covers my knees, and a long skirt goes till my ankles. Happen to be very trendy right now.  Google "maxi skirt" and see what happens.
Why black? It always matches, it's always appropriate, and it always looks clean.
But *sigh* I really don't like to wear black. Why? Because I don't want people to think that following halacha means living a dour, boring, colorless life. It's complex.
So there are things I do because I think they're good and right, and then there are things I do because I want others to think well of traditional, observant Judaism.
Does this complicate my life? Somewhat.
But, eternal optimist that I am, I prefer to think of think of this confusing interface as a path to enriching my life.

The "O" Word

And I don't mean Oprah.
Let me get this elephant introduced right at the beginning.  The word "Orthodox" and I are not friends.  Nevertheless, he exists, and I suppose it would be rude for me not to introduce him.  I don't like him, but everyone seems to know him, so to ignore or rename him would be somewhat pointless, although I certainly try.
See, "Orthodox" did not choose his own name.  It was one of those nicknames that sort of arose as a differentiation.  Yuk!  A name chosen by way of contrast??  Would you do that to your kids?  Start calling one shorty because another was taller??
Once upon a time, all Jews followed their special book: the Torah.  They weren't all perfect, nor did they all believe in G-d, nor did they all live happily ever after.
Over time, many movements came and went.  Some lasted; others didn't.  When movements began that altered some traditions and rituals, a name was chosen for those that did not change.  That term was "Orthodox."  And it stuck, though its mommy and daddy never chose the name.
The sad part is, I need to use this name sometimes because it's the one everyone seems to know.  I find labels in Judaism annoying and divisive at best.  To G-d, we're all Jews.  He judges us based on an incredibly complicated series of variables.  Do you think there are three (4? 5?) archways in Heaven, divided out by denomination, like going through customs at the airport??  Oh my no.
When people call me Orthodox, it annoys me.  Especially when they say, "In the Orthodox religion, are you allowed to...."  I understand, yes, I get it, but this is not a new religion, hon.  We all are one people.  Our behaviors and beliefs may differ, and we may find each others' ideologies wrong at times, but that's been constant since time immemorial.
Why highlight our differences with labels?
Don't worry if you use The Word though.  I've used it, in entitling this blog.  I need to, now.
But I don't hafta like it.

The Curse of Knowledge

In a fabulous business book about sticky ideas, the authors propose that you need to get past the curse of knowledge.  Meaning, if you are a car mechanic, and a totally car-ignorant customer comes with a problem, and you use all your industry jargon on her which is completely over her head, you've totally lost your customer.
Try to understand what it's like to not understand.  I encounter the curse of knowledge all the time, having been born, raised, and acculturated Orthodox.  I don't really KNOW what it's like to not KNOW what it's like to be Orthodox.  And vice versa!  See, this is why we need each other's help so badly.  That's how we'll get past the curse of knowledge.
In my opinion, the biggest difference we have is not ideology.  It's culture.  This is encouraging to me, because approaching the gap this way makes it a lot easier to close.  Example: when I moved from Israel to Buffalo Grove, Illinois (more on BG later), I had no idea that some Jews celebrated Halloween and Valentine's Day.  Nor that birthdays were regarded as an enormous event.  I wasn't judging anyone who did - it was just very, very new to me.  Now I understand that Jews don't celebrate Halloween because they believe in paganism.  It's a cultural thing.   This makes me happy.  And when momma is happy, everybody be happy.

The Bridge

So I'm an Orthodox Jewish woman. I've been Orthodox my whole life.  My husband's a Rabbi, my brother is Chassidic. Or Hasidic. Yeah, I wear long skirts and people ask me if I'm Amish. Apparently there are a lot of misunderstandings about my world. And people are afraid to ask. Or intimidated. Or afraid. Or polite. I have friends that are uber-Orthodox and some that don't know an aleph from a pork chop. And I want to bring us all together. That's the concept here: bringing the Ortho out of the box. And building a huge, friendly bridge for us to all stand on together. No issue too big, too small, too ignorant. Join me in my journey. I can't wait.