Once upon a time there lived a nice Jewish family named the Millers. They lived in a nice suburb with a nice home and respectable jobs, and raised their children with values. They had three sons: Ben, Josh, and Zack.
The Millers were a very well-known and respected family. Everyone knew "you could trust a Miller." The boys were always proud to be introduced as Millers.
Ben, Josh and Zack grew up and went their respective ways. Their 20's found Ben volunteering in Rwanda, Josh in NYC in a prestigious accounting firm, and Zack finishing up college.
One day Ben gets a text from his dad. "Trouble with Josh. Call soon."
As soon as he can, Ben calls home, only to discover that Josh has been implicated in a financial scandal and will probably be going to jail. His emotions range from anger, to denial, to embarrassment, to rage, to sympathy for his parents. In Rwanda, he is questioned by his peers about the news they are hearing about Josh.
"Is it true?? A Miller? What's the deal, dude?" Some seem to be gloating over the fall of the "prestigious" Miller legacy with its "sterling reputation." Others just want the dirt, to satisfy their curiosity. All are sanctimonious, that "it would never happen to one of mine."
So Ben texts Zack.
Ben: what is going ON??? Is this true??
Zack: yeah... true.
Ben: how did this happen
Zack: don't know, can't reach Josh
Ben: deadly embarrasing
Zack: miller name and all
Ben: are u getting a million questions
Zack: um... YEAH!!
Ben: what are you telling ppl
Zack: that he's not my brother
Ben: WHAT
Zack: anyone who could ruin our family is not a brother
Ben: dude... you can't divorce your brother
Zack: is he acting like a brother?? did he think of us when he threw our family name to the gutter
Ben: I hear ya but he's still your bro
Zack: i didn't choose this brother
Ben: did you ever notice you can only divorce those that you chose
Zack: what are YOU telling ppl
Ben: that yeah, he's my brother
Zack: and...?
Ben: and he made a big mistake
Zack: and...
Ben: i still love him... a brother's a brother
Zack: do you really still love him
Ben: believe it or not... yah
Zack: how
Ben: do you even know what love is
Zack: duh
Ben: love is when you identify someone by their good stuff
Zack: youre a poet
Ben: cmon... we all have good stuff and bad stuff
Zack: hmmm
Ben: ppl who hate you identify you by the bad... see the good as secondary. Ppl who love you identify you by the good... see the bad as secondary
Zack: like mom and dad
Ben: like all moms and dads... you think Saddam Hussein's mom hated him? she identified him by his good
Zack: um now what might that be
Ben: ask her!!
Zack: dude. don't u think it would be better for our fam to deny he's a part of this fam???
Ben: not the point. a bro is a bro. we stick together... always. got it??
Zack: ur not thinking of the whole fam
Ben: actually, i feel like i'm the ONLY one who is
Zack: i'll think abt it
Ben: thx...gnite
Zack: gnite
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
8 comments:
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I really liked really
ReplyDeleteSo apropos and soo well put! thank you for this.
ReplyDeleteThen an acquaintance of Ben tries to talk with him about itL
ReplyDeleteA: So Ben, what a terrible thing Josh did.
Ben; Look guy, I just don't want to talk about it.
A: Not talk about it? Look Ben, the Miller name is on the line here. Stealing is wrong, everyone knows that.
Ben: Exactly, everyone knows that, so there is no point in my saying it. See, there are these people who don't like the Miller family - they are jealous of how wonderful we are. And if I condemn Josh's actions it just gives them more ammunition to attack the Miller family. Just because Josh is a Miller doesn't mean that I have to denounce my brother if that will strengthen the people who hate the whole Miller family.
A: But dude, first of all you aren't the whole Miller family. There are your cousins who live up the block, for example. You know, the ones Josh stole from? And they really need to hear that you recognize that Josh did something wrong, precisely because Josh treated them badly, and they lump you and Josh together.
Ben: Look, friend, that isn't the way the Millers operate. We deal with family problems among family, quietly, indirectly, and in Yiddish.
I'm not sure I exactly followed what Larry what conveying, but I don't think that loving someone as a brother precludes apologizing to those who were hurt by his actions. Nor does it necessarily mean keeping it in the family (or in Yiddish - cute).
ReplyDelete"Yes, he's my brother, and I love him, but he made some very bad decisions. What he did was wrong, and I'm so sorry you were victims of these misdeeds."
Is there anything more to say than that? Not really.
I also don't think it matters if the cousins who live up the block "lump the brothers together." You can't control what people think about you.
Larry's post is likely controversial but I find it important. Here is my own addition, also likely controversial, but I meant to offer another perspective for people to react to. Disclaimers: Parable is not my best genre; Larry, I'm borrowing your scenario but recognize that my dialogue likely reflects a very different angle than you were presenting:
ReplyDeleteBen: I don't think Josh much cares about some of the cousins, especially those who live further away. They live very different lives than we do. I think he doesn't respect them. You know, he even has said that they are not really part of his family anyway.
A: What? You're all Millers, right?
Ben: Josh doesn't think so, no. Like I said, they live very, very differently from us.
A: What do those cousins think?
Ben: They are horrified by Josh's actions. But they never felt very close to him, partially because he never regarded them as family anyway. They are conflicted about their relationship to us, but they acknowledge a relationship. Josh's behavior probably makes them feel even more alienated from our side of the family.
A: So what is a family anyway? Can it be a spectrum of people who don't agree and don't always get along, and sometimes they don't even acknowledge each other as family?
Ben: I don't know, but I'm going to call up those cousins just to let them know that I am aghast at Josh's actions, and to remind them that he is my brother whom I love, and their cousin. I guess that is the least I can do, because even if it is not important to Josh, it is important to me to do the right thing. Surely the cousins will understand that.
A: I guess Josh's behavior makes it easier for those cousins to
feel alienated--but you are a good cousin to reach out to them. Maybe that provides an opening for them to reach out to you in return.
ReplyDelete:)
ReplyDelete:) lovin' the dialogue ("in Yiddish")
ReplyDelete